What I Could Have Been...

     Back home for the holidays! I've been missing the good ol' Douglasville for a while. Missing my friends and family and especially the lack of cop sirens and ambulances in the streets like in the city. But last night wasn't too enjoyable even though I was with some old friends.... I was able to truly be the "outside looking in" on a lifestyle that I was part of.. and it was embarrassing to watch.
     As I arrived at the establishment, the first thing I hear is live country music, even though it was good, it's hard to get into something that I can't really stand hearing ever! The mixture of hunter camouflage Bass Pro Shop hats was enough for me to forget my longing to go home. Then,  more people started arriving. More familiar faces. More bad memories. As they showed up, I could easily tell that none of them were at a normal state with their glassy, blood-shot eyes and their beer at hand.
     If this were a few years ago, I would have been okay with this scene... would have laughed at their stupidity and joined along to get a dose of that "liquid courage." But now, being that I have moved on.. it was rather embarrassing knowing that I looked up to them because they were "cool" to me. Yeah... I used to be dumb.
     As I sat there, no smile on my face, or laughter in my eyes, I thought about all those times I shared with them....and also knowing that majority of them didn't know who I was because every time I encountered their drunken presence, they were too intoxicated to meet me properly and remember me the next morning.
     With all this being typed, it gives me a chance to reflect more on the situation.. in a more positive way.
      I am just so glad that God took control. I don't have to look up to any being.. just The Almighty One.. and that's pretty ballin. I get to feel productive each day. I get to cry tears of love and joy while I worship instead of hate and pity that I can't fit in with everyone else. I get to feel comfortable and sure that my God is going to be there for me no matter what instead of unsure and worried that my "friends" will forget to take me home... or they aren't physically or mentally capable of doing so. I get to have God's love wrapped around me instead of a stranger who's dark thoughts become actions when alcohol is involved.

     I love who I am.

     It's just so great to know that I took the right path when I did. I'm just so thankful and undeserving of God's love, yet He gives it to me anyway... I've never been happier than I am right now. Looking for human satisfaction will never suffice. It doesn't matter. Humans partake in sin just as much as I do if not more, in some cases. Don't look for acceptance because God has already found you and accepted you for who you are, the clothes you wear, the color of your hair, and even the weird make up you wear. We are loved. And I'm so glad I chose to love Him back instead of choosing what I could have been...